When Everything Is Not Enough

What do you do when you look at your life and realize that you have everything you ever wanted... and it is not enough? 

I found myself in this situation about six months into marriage as I woke up day after day with the physical, mental, and emotional pain of depression and anxiety. 

A quick survey of my life brought an acute awareness that on paper, I'd been given every single thing I'd prayed for (and believed would satisfy my heart and make my life jusssst perfect!)

Marriage? Check.
Dream job? Check.
Cute little apartment and an awesome puppy? Check and check.

Yet my heart was hurting, my eyes never seemed to stop leaking tears, and I was struggling each day to will myself out of bed and propel myself to do even the simplest of tasks. 

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Let me be clear here, my husband is a precious and wonderfully faithful man of God. He loves the Lord more than me, and he loves me incredibly well.

My husband wasn't the issue. My heart was the deceiver at fault, believing that contentment and peace would finally be found in my relationship status and job situation. 

I'd unknowingly placed so much hope in the promise of marriage and my "dream life" that I'd forgotten to come to Jesus to be filled up. I'd let my "happily ever after" serve as my savior and instead of falling on my knees to worship Jesus each day, I'd spent my hours chasing after that fairytale life. I'd fallen out of rhythm with the Spirit. I'd traded my quiet time in the secret with the Lord for eating takeout on the couch with my husband.

The reality of living life with Jesus is this:

Contentment is not a stage of life to be reached or a level of security to possess. Contentment is an attitude of the heart and a unshakeable belief in the all-sufficient Savior of our souls. 

Jesus brings contentment. Not Jesus + ____________.

Not Jesus + marriage. 

Not Jesus + a baby. 

Not Jesus + a Pinterest-worthy home. 

Not Jesus + more money in our wallets. 

Not Jesus + better community and deeper friendships. 

Not Jesus + the approval of another. 

Not Jesus + the perfect job. 

Not Jesus + a fuller calendar or more free time. 

Not Jesus + getting everything we want. 

JUST GIVE ME JESUS

This is the prayer we must pray when we have been stripped away of our false belief that anything this side of heaven could ever satisfy our souls.

When we begin to worship the creation over the Creator we start to live as if attaining the prize we long for is the actual goal - but friends, Jesus is the prize.

Knowing Christ and glorifying Him in our right now - that is the goal. 

Friend, we are not promised tomorrow, yet we have been offered freedom, fullness of joy, and abundant life through Jesus. Why would fullness in Christ be postponed for a future status when there's no earthly guarantee we will get there? Why would our Savior offer us abundant life but say, "Sorry, this isn't for you single girls. This one's for the brides. The Momma's. The ones who have the money for a shopping spree, pedicure and endless Starbucks. One day, sweetie."

I don't know about you, but I don't read those words anywhere in Scripture. I don't hear our Savior telling us we will only be content and have joy with a ring on our hand or a picture-perfect life. 

Instead, I hear Him telling us that He loves us today - as His daughters, rescued by the free gift of grace that's extended to you RIGHT NOW which we have received already! (Romans 5:1-5)

I hear Him invite us into fullness of joy, which comes through the presence of Jesus, not the promise of a husband or the hope of a child or the guarantee of success. (Psalm 16:11) 

I hear Him extending His favor toward us even when we have done nothing to earn it. Our gracious Father has created a spot at the table for you today and He says, "Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come buy and eat! Come buy wine and milk, without money and without price." He does not look to our status to determine our worth. Christ Himself is our worth. (Isaiah 55:1-6)

Friend, you don't have to wait to be near to Him and to live in this abundant life! (James 4:8, John 10:10) Lean into Him this very moment.

Allow the Spirit to flood your heart and Be Still with His truth to know that your joy isn't waiting in some far off dream life - it's here for the taking and Jesus extends His hand to you this very day! 

The LORD is faithful in all his words and kind in all his works. The LORD upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food in due season. You open your hand; you satisfy the desire of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and kind in all his works. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desire of those who fear him, he also hears their cry and saves them. Psalm 145:13-19

I choose Jesus. Plus nothing.

choosing Jesus today,

rachael